4hours of sleep...

Yesterday night i went to bed pretty late..When i finally came to decision with myself about closing my eyes, it was about 4.30am, and i dont really know what time i actually fell asleep..Most probably not so much after that..
I was fascinated with the determination i had in the morning, in terms of not skipping my class. Then i went to the speech that this Turkish rektor was giving..It was so nice to see someone who is really well educated, with a perfect english and has sense of humour..He was about 55-60 i assume,and i didnt come to room allmost at all until 9pm..(since i had my jobs as well..)
These days, in terms of collecting my thoughts and stuff, i m pretty bad..That s why i mostly choose to listen to music instead of talking..Sometimes words are seriously not capable of carrying the meaning you are loading to them..Words undervalue the meanings and the feelings you are trying to give..All the things you want to say, feel and mean end up being meaningless pieces of a puzzle..But on the other hand, if you dont talk, how can someone know exactly what you are thinking? Yes, we can guess..But when i try to guess sth, i always end up being relatively stupid, which annoys me pretty much..
Yesterday night i kept putting my pijamas on, and taking them off..Why? Firstly i had to go to my job at 8pm, therefore put my clothes on..11pm, i m back from my job, and put my pijamas on..And i saw Flemming asking to me if i wanna watch a movie because he didnt want to do his homework..Since i was not so sleepy and did not have any better idea than that and instead of sitting lazily in front of my laptop, i went to sit lazily again, but this time to watch a movie..I watched "Good Will Hunting"..Was nice..I realised one more time that Robin Williams is such a good actor.
Then it was almost 3am when i came back to the room..Take my clothes off, put on the pijamas, get inside the bed..This time Tania wrote me on MSN, asking me if i wanna have a cig. with her..and she also wanted to talk to me..I of course accepted..We set in front of her dorm until 4am i guess, talking..
When i was returning back to the room, i felt nice..It was nice to know that someone actually enjoys your company, wants to spend some time with you, wants to talk to someone urgently and they choose you..And they also find you fun to hang out with, no matter how bitter you can get sometimes, no matter how many WTF looks you give sometimes, they like you like that..
It is really really nice to know that....That, i m useful..
(Turkish)
Bugun Bilkent Universitesi'nin rektoruyle tanistim..Buraya gelmisti, gercekten cok kulturlu, esprili ve resmen uzerinden kalite akan bir insandi..
Bugun toplam 5saat filan uyudum sanirim..Dun gece 4bucuktu yattigimda..Yukarida anlattim, pek bunlardan konusmak istemiyorum tekrar..
Ben ne zaman bu Hirsiz Polis dizisini izlesem boyle depresiflesiyorum..Turkiye'deyken annem izliyormus, ben de birkac bolum izledim..Simdi buraya donunce de internetten izliyorum..Ama o gercek degil..Ve film oldugu icin ne olursa olsun biraraya gelicekler..Ya ben..
Burcyni bana sormus, ne konuda mucize istiyorsun diye..Unutmak?Sevilmek?Huzurlu olmak?
Bilmiyorum ki..Unutmak istesem coktan unutmus olurdum belki de, bu da beni korkutuyor..Beynimin benim istegim disinda kararlar verip uygulamasi..Gerci beyin bunu her zaman yapiyor..Ne zaman dinliyor ki beni..Nefes alma komutu vereyim mi vermeyeyim mi diye soruyor mu bana?Hayir..
Cok konusmak istemiyorum bu aralar nedense..Daha cok muzik dinlemek istiyorum..Ici bosalmis anlamlar sahibi olan kelimelerle cumleler kurmak istemiyorum..Hic cumlesiz, ici anlam dolu sekilde susmak istiyorum..Baskalari anlasin yada anlamasin..Sevsin yada sevmesin..Beni sikici saysin yada eglenceli bulsun..Sadece gozlerimi kapayip tum hucrelerimi muzikle doldurmak istiyorum..Muzik resmen hayatimin ana taslarindan biri benim icin..
gecen gun bir arkadasim piyano calarken onu dinleyip dinlemek istemedigimi sordu..O an o kadar cok istemis olmasam bile, sadece kirmamak icin gittim..my immortali caldi..ben de farkinda olmadan soylemeye basladim..Birden durdu ve sesimin ne kadar guzel oldugunu soyledi..Keske bir olanak olsa da ben bir grupta soyleyebilsem..Bu benim en cok istedigim seylerden biri..Muzik ben olacak o zaman, ben de muzik..
Su anda calan sarki, Sezen Aksu, Istanbul Istanbul olali..yeter bu kadar depresiflik bugunluk..Fazla doz iyi degil..