Insight

Just small,tiny tremblings inside...Thinking about various stuff. Past,present, future, home, high school, norway, richmond.. too many thoughts..
this semester was full of emotional fluctuations.. UP and Down..up and down... right now it is again one of the down moments..
I started to avoid friends these days again.I just dont want them around, because i m not in the right mood, so the way i talk sometimes hurt , and i m scared to lose them completely..so i try my best to avoid them these days..

***Too much mozarella sticks and chicken strips for tonight...***

And i m going home on tuesday..will be there on wednesday..to be honest, i dont know if i wanna go home..yes i wanna see my mum, but what i need more is i think, to be with my friends and just chill out..When i m next to my mum i again need to hide things inside, since i dont wanna make her sad and bother with my own bullshit..

yes, they are bullshit actually..i behave like a spoiled kid.. i have a lot of things, i m a lucky person, dont make any troubles for my family, my relations with my family is mostly pretty good...have travelled, not bad looking, this semester i also managed to make my grades better.. so what do i want more?
I dont know.. maybe i do know, but scared to confess...
And one other thing i know for sure is, i hurt a lot of people.. I dont let them get close to me so much..when they are nice to me, i always look for someting behind. try to make a fight out of it.Doesnt matter whether there is an important thing or not.

I just cannot help it. I should be happy...and i have really beautiful temporal happy moments..but why can't i combine all those dots of happiness, and forget about the rest of the dots that are not close to the curve? why?

anyways...

i wish i could go to an island right now..just go there and stay there until i cure my sick soul..i dont want any people who will demand any single tiny bit of emotion from me. i wanna be alone... some nice warm weather..maybe even go to somewhere like Brazil,or Greece in summer..meet some nice new people for a while..read a lot of books, lie on the beach,drink...and rest my soul..

Dont know..

Some Gypsy Kings for tonight..